I found this draft today. I wrote this a couple of months ago and completely forgot about it.....

When I feel alone, and fail to acknowledge The One who is with me through it all I tend to struggle. While I grope around, trying to gain control of things, I think of only myself- "how will I benefit, what can I gain from it, how will it make me look better?". I want to be the master of my life, when in reality this is not my life. This is His life. He wants to live through me. He is my life, my breath, my everything. He wants to lead, He wants to shine, He wants to share, He wants to be The Reason. I sit on a throne of pride, while he humbly stands to the side, waiting for me to realize my foolishness, my coward notions. He carries me through my darkest moments, when I should be embarrassed and away in hiding. He knows my flaws and carries me through them all. He knows my sin, and loves me still the same. He sees my pain and carries me through it. He waits for me to acknowledge His ever presence. He waits for me to admit that I am weak and vulnerable, in need of a Master. He does not tell me that He could have done things better- I have figured that out on my own. Over and over and over. Yet I still try to do things my way. Why am I constantly battling HIM for control when HE is he one who runs things perfectly, with a flawless plan? He is patient, always forgiving, always gracious, always merciful, always watchful, always protective, always caring. He never grows tired, though I wear myself out constantly. He never will disown me, though I am sure I am the cause for tears on His cheek. He rejoices when I seek to glorify him. He grieves when I soil His name. He laughs when I rejoice, is pleased when I worship and is saddened when I ignore Him. Why do I go days without acknowledging Him, the one who blesses my every second? Why do I want the attention when He is worthy of all credit?